The Way of The Heart

It’s humbling to cry in front of a group of teenagers, but that’s what happened this Sunday as I was talking to a youth group in New Zealand. 

I was asked to share with them about Solitude, and while doing so, it took only a few minutes of reliving the past before I was once again 17 years old, sitting on a tailgate in the woods, staring at the full moon shine through a bare pine forest.

Solitude is far from a pretty subject for me, given that I spent ALL of my teenage years in that space. 

Not because I wished to — 

but because I retreated from everyone and everything.

In The Old Days

Once upon a time, my neighbor Davis (who I spent many days riding bikes and racing RC cars with) and I took equal chances knocking on each others door. 

As time went on, though, things shifted.

He began to knock on my door more often than I would knock on his.

Soon enough, his knocks slowed…

And then ceased.

So I entered adulthood in a downward spiral — 17, 18 years old…

growing a beard, but never growing in any relationships.

I would cry in my room about being alone, while also denying every opportunity to make friends.

But as fate would have it, one afternoon my parents sat my siblings and I down, and told us that my dad had terminal cancer —

with six months to live.

That didn’t lead me to community,

but it did lead me straight to my knees.

I Turned To Someone Who Cared

Isolated from all, there was nothing for me BUT solitude.

And with no friend to turn to, I sought the only ear I knew of.

I had only a faint notion of there being ‘a God above,’ but out of desperation I soon cried out in anger and hurt.

It was in those desperate throes that I, with a few simple words while camping in the mountains of Georgia, I surrendered my life to Christ:

“God, I can not do this on my own.”

The sole admission of surrender — a single muttered sentence in which I humbled myself enough to admit I needed His help — set my life on its current path.

There's A Slight Misconception

We are told that solitude is a place of stillness and rest.

I promise you,

it is not.

What led me to solitude was desperation.

And in solitude, I found demons awaiting my arrival.

Loud and proud, they brought forth every insecurity and fear.

Yet once brought so low as to be desperate for Something More… 

I was then rewarded with an intimate encounter with Christ.

And I should have figured as much:

Only after Jesus had entered the wilderness and repeatedly encountered satan himself, did “… the devil [leave] him, and angels came and ministered to him.”

Henry Nouwen, in The Way of The Heart, beautifully says:

“Solitude is not simply a means to an end. SOLITUDE is it’s own end. It is THE place of our salvation. Hence, it is the place where we want to lead all those who are seeking the light in this dark world.”

If you want to be numb, pursue noise.

If you want to encounter the Divine, pursue solitude.

It won’t be quiet, and it might not be easy.

But it will lead you to Jesus.

My Assignment For You

Spend a few minutes alone this week.

It doesn't sound like much, but that's how habits are formed.

And while it is often hard to find time, keep in mind — there are legitimate spiritual forces working to keep you from finding solitude. 

So reply and share one thing you are going to do alone this week — start with something actually achievable, even if it’s only a few minutes.

And if you know someone who could benefit from my hard-earned story, send them this newsletter.

As always...

See you Out There,

Bryce